I never in my 26 years on this planet thought I’d be in awe of some beer guzzling, cheese steak eating, block party throwing Philly residents, but alas that day has come. Recently some geniuses in Philadelphia who were a part of a block party, rented a dumpster and filled it with water from a nearby fire hydrant thus creating a makeshift pool.



Why a dumpster? Justyn Myers (my future husband) tells Billy Penn that before this fantasy became a reality he had to find a company that would actually let him rent a dumpster and turn it into a pool. This proved to be a little difficult until he got into contact with one company that was cool with him doing that, aka the Dons of the dumpster business. He thought that a dumpster would make a great swimming pool because “it’s sturdy, it’s rentable, and I can just give it back.” With one explanation I can tell you in all sincerity that Justyn would make a better candidate for president than the two characters we are dealing with now. Such sense. With every hero comes a villain, and in this story it’s the blathering idiots that sent over the public service announcement from city hall. Yes, a public service announcement on dumpster pools.  Communication Director for the Department of Licenses and Inspection Karen Guss barfed up this gem of an announcement:

“In view of the City’s commitment to public health, safety and basic common sense, we will not issue permits for block party dumpster pools.  And while you would think this decision would not require an explanation, three days of press requests have proven otherwise. So, Philly, here’s why you shouldn’t swim in a receptacle most often used for waste:

  • First and foremost, this could reduce the amount of water available should a fire break out in that neighborhood.  So if you would like to have water available should a fire break out in your home, don’t illegally tap a hydrant
  • There is also the potential loss of life by injury due to the hydrant water pushing a small child or even an adult into oncoming traffic.
  • Finally, remember that the pressure of the water coming out of the hydrant is so strong, and so powerful, that if opened too quickly or closed too quickly, it could deliver a jolt to the main of sufficient force that could break the main … and many blocks could lose water service until it is repaired.

We are not screwing around, Philly. The Streets Department will not issue any future block party permits to the 2400 block of Cedar, and officials have contacted the dumpster rental company regarding its failures to obtain the proper closure permits and to take mandatory measures to protect the street during placement of the dumpster.

In short, the City strongly recommends that residents opt for recreational options that are safer, more sanitary, and less likely to deplete the resources firefighters need in an emergency.”

And with that I just want to say, can’t these geniuses just live, girl bye.